85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
