You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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