Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
