i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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