After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
