you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
