I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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