he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
