I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
