Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
