Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
