Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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