i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
