i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
