I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
