ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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