Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
