apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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