You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
