party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
