is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
