I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
