I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
