its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i've created a new STD.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
