my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
