He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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