The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
