i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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