dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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