moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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