Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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