yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
