You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
