I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
