The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
