How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
