Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
