I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
