i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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