I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
