every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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