party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
not ubering you a puppy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
