Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
