He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
