I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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