their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
