I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
