i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
