It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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