You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
