The maid of honor just puked.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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